2 - Portal Of Evil

MWA HA HA HA HA HAA! I made it on to the Portal Of Evil site, hah! I guess
that means I'm officially "evil" now? I'm on there with these other crazy
sites, you know, "The Brent Spiner In Tights Homepage", "The Fans Of
Madonna's Armpit Homepage"! And everyone goes there to post on these message
boards and gripe about all this evil, un-Christian shit! And you know what?
It's all cool. I'm serious, I...I had some friends write to me and say "All
these people are terrible for putting you on there and everyone is bashing
your site now and you should go and complain and rip their eyeballs out".
Nonononono, it's all cool. If people have the right to look at my stuff and
enjoy it, then they have the right to look at my stuff and hate it, too.

BUT! Here's the part I DON'T get! You got this whole group of people whose
sole purpose in life is apparently to stare at things that they find
disgusting, and then they gripe about how sickening it was, but then they
keep doing it! What the fuck is that?! I mean, it's like munching the ass
out of a dead rhinocerous, and then puking and then doing it the fuck
again! If you hate this stuff so much, then why in the fuck are you
looking at it? It's like that stupidfuck preacher in Alabama who got music
banned from the radio station instead of turning his radio the fuck off!
Or that group of old ladies that would read every last disgusting page in
these books in the library that they hated and tried to get them removed
from the shelves! What stupid-ass shit IS this?! What kind of a brainless
fucknut sits there and looks at shit he doesn't wanna see?! It's people
like this I wanna bend over and rape with a cattle prod until their
tonsils are glowing, you know?

It used to be just these old, prude Christian housebitches who would do
that, but now everyone's doing it! These guys are bashing my site, and I
say "these guys", but it's really about 5 teenagers posting under 30
different names, you know? And they were even posting messages from ME in
MY name so they could somehow pretend that they were bitching me out, too,
and being the next Jesus fucking Christ! And they all knew my site, and my
rants by heart! They knew them better than people who LIKE my stupid
bullshit! They had these fucking things memorized, OK? They knew them
better than I do! And they're probably listening to this one, right now!
They're going to listen to it over and over again, hating every fucking
second of it every time they hear it! What the fuck is your glitch?! If
I'm crawling up your ass THAT bad, then TURN IT TO FUCK OFF! You can't
accidentally download a 2 meg sound file and then fucking play it! Winamp
is not rocket science, OK? Click the little X button and turn it off, you
stupid-ass fucks! Are your lives so completely fucking useless that you
have to drop your nut by assaulting yourself with stuff you didn't wanna
see in the first place? "oh my holy god, that 2 guy is...he's sick! he
should burn in hell! this is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen,
and in fact, I'm going to look at it again just to make sure! here, I'll
put myself on his mailing list to make sure that this horrible sick stuff
is mailed right to my mailbox!"

What is this, some kind of strange masochism, is that's what it is, is
that what they're doing? No, that's not what it is! They say they're
looking because it's one of those things that's so horrible that you can't
turn away from it. But you know what? BULLSHIT! A pregnant woman picking
little dried milk scabs off her tit before jamming it into a baby's mouth
in public, THAT'S horrible, OK? A 10-year old picking Michael Jackson's
pubic hair off from between his teeth, THAT'S fucking horrible! A drawing
of a naked wolf-thing stomping a building is nothing compared to some of
the terrifying shit you see in the world every day! And if it is, for
Christ's sake, STOP LOOKING AT IT! You have to work to find my spooge
pictures, you can't do it by accident!

What, you got up one morning and stumbled and accidentally turned on your
computer, connected your modem, went to my website, slipped over a fucking
banana peel and wound up downloading every last spooge picture I have?!
"oh damn, now my hand slipped and my finger is accidentally going up my
ass and...whoops, suddenly I goofed and started imagining that dragon with
a boner fucking me six ways to Thursday! that sick evil bastard, it's all
his fault! I certanly hope I don't fuck up and somehow grab that 18 inch
dildo I accidentally bought!"

Nono, this isn't masochism, and it's not only these people who do it,
either! You see these dumbfucks all over the place, griping about things
they had to TRY to put their noses into! What, are these fuckers wandering
the planet, repeatedly doing things that make them sick, is that what
they're doing? Are they sucking the bile out of roadkill armadillos with a
straw over and over again? Are they taping cheap midget torture porn and
watching it at all hours of the day? They could just be slapping
themselves in the face with llama intestines every 5 minutes, but they're
not, are they?! So why are they going to my site and downloading every
single dirty furry picture I have?! Because they're jerking off to it,
that's why! Oh, they're just slamming the meat for looking at this stuff
and hoping that their parents don't walk in! And everyone knows it, too!

I mean, c'mon, if you went to the Crusty Asses homepage by accident and
said "whoa, that's sick!", then fine, you know? That happens! But when you
keep back to the place, then people are gonna to start wondering about
you! And you know what they're gonna think? They're gonna think you're
dreaming of crusty asses! And unless you've got a computer virus that
keeps putting pictures of crusty asses on your screen, then you probably
are! You wanna be a crusty ass-eating madman!

Oh, look at that, lucky for you there's a message board you can go and
post to and tell everyone that you're only looking at it because it's so
horrible you can't turn away from it. That way they won't think you're a
freak, too! Yeah, good plan, only the rest of us know better because we
got over that psychology AGES ago! What the fuck is taking YOU so long?!
You know, just come out of the closet, OK? It's...it's really not that
bad! Except for little groups of closet freaks like you, you really don't
have to put up with that much bullshit for it. Besides, it's painful to
watch you guys jerking off in dark corners to the Crusty Asses homepage,
okay? Just come out and join the rest of us!

And you know what? If not, then it's OK. It's perfectly OK to keep griping
on your little message boards, because I'M LOUDER THAN YOU! And if you
truly are addicted to doing things that offend your all-American straight
bullshit Christian sensibilities, then here's my suggestion: EAT MY COCK!

This is 2, your loud, pissed-off Ranting Gryphon, and that's all I have to
say about that.