2 - Astrology

Okay, take one big ball of dirt floating in space and add a few billion
morons. Right there, you've already got some pretty pathetic bullshit,
you know, it's pretty fucking pathetic. It's like a room full of blind,
horny keyboard elves with nitrous oxide, you know? That's the world, right
there! Okay, now put a few more balls of dirt out there and give these
idiots telescopes to see them with, and suddenly, you've got astrology and
a promotion from pathetic bullshit, that planet-wide nimrod clusterfuck!

I mean, out of all the stupid things, STUPID things to judge someone's
entire existance by, you know...We already got people out there deciding
the sentient quality of individuals by the skin tone they happen to
have! "oh look, your skin color is slightly darker than mine, that means
you suck and I want to hang you from a tree and burn you now!" Okay, we've
already got our quota of dumb things to judge people with and redneck
fuckheads to do the judging! I don't need Madame Brainrot deciding who
I am as a person by the position a handful of fucking planets happen
to be in! You wanna believe in astrology, that's fine with me, it's
none of my goddamn business! You wanna let your world revolve around
some pseudoscience that came out of a time they were putting leeches
on peoples' balls to cure an infection, then wonderful! I hope it works
out for you! But don't include me in your bullshit medieval prejustice,
because I'll start cramming solid objects upside your skull, OK?

I have had entirely ENOUGH of people who treat me as though I'm only one
of 12 kinds of people in the existance! Yeah, thanks a lot, thank you
fucking Hitler, thank you, you f...fucking Nazi, I REALLY appreciate
that! Forget what I've done and who I really am, right? I'm not even
a person, I'm just a fucking paragraph printed out by some random
fortune-telling program in the fucking TV guide every week, right? Tell
you what, toss your chicken bones around and see if you can figure out
what I'm gonna say next, okay? You ready? FUCK YOUR MOTHER! HA! See,
there you thought I was gonna say "fuck you", and I didn't! That means
you're a stupid fuck! So just shoot yourself now, OK, because it's all
over! You're officially a brain-damaged Simptoman! NYAHAHAHAHAA!

Look here, Simptoman, I know it makes you feel all warm and safe inside
to be able to toss everyone in the universe into one of 12 different
categories, but don't do it to me, OK, because I will not fucking
accept that! I've worked too hard at being a real person for you to
get the exact time and day my hemorrhoids are going to flare up out of
a fucking cookie or something, alright? I am NOT one of those little
multicolored rolls of paper you buy at the checkout line at the grocery
store, and I'm sorry if it's too much for you to handle if there's more
to me than you can read from some cryptic snippet of bullshit every day,
but you'll just have to deal with it! There are more than 12 different
personalities on the planet, you fuckwit! They're gonna have to start
putting little disclaimers on those damn things or something, you know,
"Caution! This horoscope is for entertainment purposes only, and is
not meant to be turned into another stupid fucking religion by all you
primate damned fucks out there!"

I mean, I've seen people sitting around and joking about their astrologial
signs and shit, and it's all cool, because they're just playing around,
but if you happen to be one of those people that's gonna come up to me
and load some shit on me like "oh, you're a Leo and I'm a Pisces, so that
means your personality will be too domineering toward me, and I would be
too insensitive to it, especially now that Jupiter's in line with Zeus'
left asscheek", then I'm actually glad you said that! I wouldn't wanna
hang around a potsuck like you anyway! In fact, just forget what I said
earlier, OK? Just keep on going around and preaching your bullshit,
because you fuckers need to be more identifiable! So do it even more
and be really loud about it so we can identify you! You need to be
identified, shaved and tattooed and thrown into an incinerator until
you are dead! We'll see what fucking difference some space rock makes
to you then!

I mean, how the FUCK...What day...What could give you the idea that
planets have anything to do with us?! Lemme...lemme take a guess here,
you picked up a horoscope one time that said "You are a generous person
who is having financial problems and is ultimately looking for happiness
and success" and you thought "Oh my god, that sounds just like ME!" Yeah,
sure, right, and about 8 billion other people! Did you just entirely
miss that little fact?! "You often sit on the toilet and take a shit,
and sometimes you find yourself enjoying a good jerkoff." "Oh my god, it's
MAGIC!" Did you ever notice how these horoscopes fit everyone?! And fuck,
planets?! Why planets, what...planets, what is it, what, is it some kind
of magic powers they have or something? Is that how they work? Some Harry
Blackstone bullsbit is causing all this? Why can't it be cow shit? What
about the magical properties of cow shit? "When the green cow pies are
in line with farmer Simpson's barn, you will enjoy financial freedom and
good sex with a tribe of lonely, unwashed gypsies." See, there you go,
go worship some cow shit!

My point is this: Judging a person based on their horoscope is just
another form of prejustice. And actually, it's not JUST another form of
prejustice, it's an exceedingly stupid one! It's degrading and demeaning
and it's very fucking insulting and I'm tired of being nice about it! You
might be scared shitless that everyone is different and you can't dig up
a little roll of paper and know someone by the day they happened to fall
out of some woman's vagina, but no-one deserves the disrespect of being
categorized by some bullshit like an astrological sign! If you want to
know someone, for God's sake, drop the mumbo-jumbo and TALK to them!

This is 2, and I'm not gonna say what you thought I was gonna say here,
so I won't be predictable! HA!