2 - Angst 2 Gryphon here again with a big dose of reality you probably don't want, which is too bad because I'm gonna make you eat it anyway! You know, I'll tell ya something. I love furs, okay? Furs rock! I just...I get that warm, mushy feeling deep down in my ASS when I think of furs! Here you've got a whole group of people saying "Guess what, world? We think cartoon animals are groovy! Big, small, fuzzy, short, fat, tall, stupid, we don't care! Some of us even think they make better dates than most of YOU pinheads, and if that creeps you out, then you can eat SPHINCTER!" And that just gives me warm fuzzies all over, you know, it just makes me all... just to see that, you know, it makes my nipples hard to see that! That's the cool part, that's the part I like about furs! The part that sucks shit is that in the very same group of people is probably the largest collection of emotional malfunction in the known fucking universe! I mean, we've got a good thing going here, so why do we have to have all these brickhead furs running around threathening to kill themselves all the time? What, do we have just... a bunch of lemming furs running around now? We're all gonna put on lemming fursuits and jump off the top of the fucking Adam's Mark hotel or something? How did being alive become such a chore? Everywhere I turn now, some whinyass fur is giving his last will and testament for the twelvth time this month! "not that anyone cares, but I won't be here tomorrow..." Well, here's your friendly gryphon here with a bit of advice: DO IT! DO IT NOW, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT! We're all waiting for you to kill yourself and you keep NOT doing it! "Oh, I'm gonna end it all tomorrow", No, don't wait until tomorrow, dickhead, you said that yesterday! You've been saying that for the last 2 months in a row, quit typing and go eat the grill of a speeding Buick! Snort a few lines of anthrax or something, okay, but for the love of Jesus and dead puppies, PLEASE shut up! You might think everyone is feeling sorry for you, but you know what we're really thinking? We're wondering why you're standing there talking about it instead of stuffing your head in a microwave! Don't stand there and talk about it, go do it! Here, use my fork! Expressmail your soul to the god of your choice, but hurry up and get it done before you take one more valuable gulp of my air! Get your ass out of the gene pool, you dysfunctional motherfucker! What, you think this Fester Addams shit is earning you friends? This is not going to make you popular and loved, you know! You think everyone's gonna be sorry once you "oh, you, you'll all be sorry when I'm gone". No, we're gonna kick you in a hole and cover it up and we're gonna forget about you! The only thing we're going to be sorry about is that you didn't do it a long time ago! Tell you what, let us know before you FINALLY decide to end it all, so we can at least make some use out of you, alright? We'll pile all you freaks up and infect you with syphilis and send you to Afghanistan to hump everything that moves! There, THAT'S biological warfare right there! I don't get this whole "killing yourself" thing. Killing yourself? Over what, some...some little Brady Bunch problem that's going to disappear by the end of the week? "No-one understands me...I...I don't get enough cuddles..." You know what your problem is? You don't HAVE any problems! "Ooh, I don't have enough friends, boohoo..." Hey, starving children in Africa would sell their souls to EAT their friends, okay? One good friend and a pair of chopsticks and that's all they want! A good case of 24 hour projectile leprosy will brighten the rest of your week right the fuck up! It's hard to whine about your relationship status when your left nut just plopped into the toilet while you were taking a piss, you know? What kind of a damaged subculture do we have here where people have to run off and kill themselves because no-one will read their whiny-ass gothic poetry, you know, or something? Or when everyone refuses to drop their entire fucking lives and snuggle every spineless wimp that walks into the room in size? It makes me sick, okay? We make Eeyore look like a lesbian gummi bear on Prozac! The problem is that somewhere, someone in the fandom decided that it was cool to be angsty. It's like someone figured it was too much of an effort to be a cool person, so "let's make whining the next cool thing!, we're all pretty good at that!" Now let's give it a new, cool-sounding name, and..."oh, oh, look, I'm angsty! I'm cool because I'm angsty!" BULLSHIT! Whatever you call it, you're still being a whiny, stupid bitch and you should have your intestines pulled out through your ass with a wirehanger! You don't get cool from whining, OK? It just makes people wanna beat you like a 5 dollar whore in a Detroit bass western, OK? Hey, shit happens to everyone, you know? All of..we..we all get depressed over things sometimes, and anyone who tells you they don't is a fucking Bill-Clinton-stuffing-his-cock-in-Monica's-face liar! Everyone has problems, but you deal with them and you get over it, life goes on! If you're lonely, then say so! You want attention, say "hey, I want some goddamn attention here!" But don't start digging problems out of your couch cushions just so you have something to be bummed about! And don't run around threatening to jump in front of a fucking subway train just to get attention, that doesn't help a damn thing! And besides, we all know you're full of shit anyway! This is 2, your frolicking happy Ranting Gryphon, and that's all I have to say about that.